(Written by a Japanese) Dating Culture in Japan: Five Points Foreigners Need to Know

Hello, again. This is BabyJ😊.

Are you dating a Japanese or seeking a Japanese boyfriend/girlfriend?

If so, you will need to know about the dating culture in Japan. It is very different from that of the West, and so, it’s better to know what you should expect when you date a Japanese person.

In this article, I will explain the five points which are particularly important for you to know to make your Japanese partner happy and also to avoid possible troubles and misunderstandings.

BabyJ is a Japanese blogger who is writing articles on interracial romance, and providing dating and relationship advice for mainly Japanese women in Japan from many years of interracial experiences including marriage and divorce.

Dating Culture in Japan 1. Casual Dating Is Not Common in Japan

This is the most important point to know.

Casual dating is not common practice in Japan, especially with conservative Japanese or those people who are seeking relationship leading to marriage.
*Of course there are exceptions. Young playboys do seek casual hookups.

In the West, you date casually with someone that you are attracted to, and you may or may not to enter into a committed/exclusive relationship. It’s also a common practice for people to date more than one person on parallel as well.

It won’t work that way in Japan.

Usually a man will “confess” his feelings to a woman and ask if she can be his girlfriend, sometimes even before they start dating. *This is called “confession (告白 kokuhaku).

If she feels the same way, they start dating. When they’ve started dating, they are already in a relationship and they are a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Sometimes, confession comes after a few dates, or a woman will confess her feelings to a man, although it is not very common.

For many Japanese, the Western practice of dating period is very confusing.

Most likely, your Japanese partner will consider that you are his/her girlfriend/boyfriend even if you think that you are not, if he/she doesn’t know anything about the Western dating period.

So, you should be careful of the misunderstandings that may be caused by this cultural differences.

It’s even nicer if you follow Japanese way and ask your woman if she could be your girlfriend, instead of keeping her confused and insecure.

Dating Culture in Japan 2. Christmas Eve is Most Special Day for a Couple

In the West, Christmas and Christmas Eve are the time for you to celebrate with your family.

But, in Japan, Christmas Eve is the day for a couple, the most special and most important day for a couple.

On Christmas Eve, a couple will either have an expensive dinner, or spend a fun time at Disneyland or Disney Sea, or stay at luxurious hotel, or etc.

As this is considered as a special event for a couple, a woman expects her boyfriend to plan a nice special date for this day.

Therefore, whether or not you are able to spend a wonderful Christmas Eve with your loved one is an extremely important issue for a Japanese woman.

Dating Culture in Japan 3. Man Is Expected to Pay the Bill on a Date

Japanese women wants a man to lead. Even if she is a successful career woman, she still wants a man to lead.

A Japanese woman expects a man to plan, prepare, and pay for a date, especially the first date. A man paying for a first date is almost the norm.

So, if you ask her to split the bill, or even worse, ask her to pay for the date, you won’t hear from her again.

Of course, from the second date, a woman will be happy to help, and offer to pay for coffee, and a part of the bill.

But I would strongly advise that you will pay for the first date to make a good impression.

This may be universal, not particularly the case for Japanese. But as I’ve heard some guys said “Women should share the bill, as they are independent and we are equal,” I’ve decided to add this point.

Dating Culture in Japan 4. Introduction to a Family Is Sign for Future Marriage

In the West, some people may casually introduce their “girl” friend to their family. It doesn’t mean very much in the West.

But in Japan, if you introduce someone to your family, it means that you are considering a future with that person.

Your Japanese partner will surely think that you are planning for a future together and their family will also think the same.

You will be regarded as a future husband or wife, even without your proposal or engagement.

So, please know that introducing someone to your family is a big decision for you to make.

Dating Culture in Japan 5. You Are Expected to Bring a Gift

This last point is related to No. 4.

If you are invited to his/her family for a home party or dinner, you are expected to bring a gift as a courtesy to the host.

I would advise you that you bring something nice such as flowers, wine, etc. .

Failing to do so will make you look like you don’t know any manners.

An older Japanese person wouldn’t understand why you don’t have such customs in your country.

* I decided to add this point, as I often encountered the situation that foreign guest didn’t bring anything with them and didn’t even know that they should.

Knowing Dating Culture in Japan Makes Dating Easier

Whether you know these five points or not will make a difference in your dating experiences in Japan.

If you are well prepared, you can avoid unnecessary troubles and/or misunderstandings, and you will be able to have more success in your relationship with your Japanese partner.

Best Dating Apps to Meet Japanese

(Written by a Japanese) Best Dating Apps in Japan for Foreigners (2023)Three best dating apps in Japan for foreigners to meet Japanese for serious relationships leading to marriage, not for hookups and just for fun....

	Pairs The most popular dating app in Japan with 20 million users all around Japan. Designed for serious relationships and marriage. You can find potential partners in all areas and all different age groups. The interface is in Japanese only.
	Match.com Japan version of the world famous dating app originated in the U.S. More chances to meet Japanese who are mature, intelligent, and who can speak English and are globally minded. The interface is in English.
	JapanCupid Specialized for dating between Japanese and foreigners. Designed for serious relationships. More chances to meet Japanese who are willing to live abroad. The interface is both in English and Japanese with translation function.