Dating

(Written by a Japanese) Pairs: How to Use Japan’s Most Popular Dating App in Japan (2023)

Hello, again. This is BabyJ😊.

Would you like to meet a Japanese for a serious relationship possibly leading to marriage in future?

I recommend Pairs as one of the best dating apps in Japan for foreigners to meet such partner.

It’s the most popular dating apps, with 20 million members which is the largest in Japan.

However, the interface is only in Japanese.

So, you will need to handle some Japanese to be able to use all the functions it provides.

In this article, I will explain how to use Pairs, and some points you will need to know for dating in Japan.

BabyJ is a Japanese blogger who is writing articles on interracial romance, and providing dating and relationship advice for mainly Japanese women in Japan from many years of interracial experiences including marriage and divorce.

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Pairs

Pairs: The Most Popular Dating App in Japan

Pairs, the most major dating apps in Japan, has over 20 million users all around Japan.

With the largest membership base in Japan, Pairs’s members range from 20s to 60s (The core age group is from 20s to 30s).

Pairs is designed for serious relationships and marriage, unlike such dating apps as Tinder, Bumble, etc, that are mainly for casual hookups.

So! You can surely meet people who can match your preferences for a partner.

Data resources「マッチLife
Pairs Characteristics
  1. The most popular dating app in Japan with 20 million users all around Japan. So, you can surely meet many people who match your preferences.
  2. With the largest membership base, you can find potential partners in all areas and all different age groups (20s-60s!) with largest age group between 20s-30s.
  3. More chances to meet genuine Japanese who are not influenced much by Western cultures and values.
  4. Designed for serious relationships and marriage.
  5. With many communities designed for foreigners and Japanese to meet, you can search potential partners by communities, as well.
  6. The Interface is in Japanese only. So, you will need to be able to handle basic Japanese or need to use translation software.
  7. The membership fee is free for women.

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Several years ago, I made a survey with three Facebook groups for foreigners in Japan, to find out which dating apps were the most popular.

I asked them “What dating apps do you use to meet someone?”

Result of the Survey on Dating Apps

82 foreigners replied. And the result of the counting turned out to be as follows:

Total
1: Tinder 2: Bumble 3: Pairs 4: OkCupid
Female
1: Bumble 2: Tinder 3: Pairs 4: OkCupid
Male
1: Tinder 2: OkCupid 3: Pairs 4: Bumble

In total numbers, Tinder was the most popular, and Bumble came in 2nd. And to my surprise, Pairs, the most major dating apps in Japan came in 3rd, even though its interface is only in Japanese. The 4th was OkCupid.

Foreigners’ Comments About Pairs

The following are some comments about Pairs made by foreigners in Japan.

Pairs is supposed to be a marriage partner finding app, but you’re probably going to find out Pairs is the actual Tinder… Short-term dating & one-night stands.

Foreigners in Tokyo

I use Pairs and it seems most people are Japanese. There were a few non Japanese people I found but all of them were very fluent in Japanese. So, Pairs seems recommendable for good Japanese speaker.

Foreigners in Tokyo

Also recommend Pairs more successful rate if you are Asian and speak Japanese because they don’t support English.

Tokyo Expat Network (TEN)

I like Pairs. It’s not LGBT friendly 😔 and is all in Japanese, but people tend to be more relationship oriented.

Tokyo Expat Network (TEN)

I met my husband on Pairs!

Tokyo Expat Network (TEN)

I’ve had the most success using Pairs, but the app has zero English support, so it’s unusable if you can’t read and write Japanese. It’s also paid (if you’re male) and the cost can rack up quite quickly.

Tokyo Expat Network (TEN)

Yeah, Pairs is mainstream among Japanese and in Japanese.

Tokyo Expat Network (TEN)

Pairs is Introduced In the Foreign Media as a Top App in Japan

Foreign media in Japan introduced Pairs as below:

Perhaps thanks to the wholesome and serious atmosphere of Pairs, it seems like many couples have been able to (get) steady relationships through matches from this app.

“A Beginner’s Guide to the Labyrinth o Dating Apps in Japan”, Izanau.com

References  
A Beginner’s Guide to the Labyrinth of Dating Apps in Japan

How to Join Pairs and Complete Identity Verification

How to join Pairs? There are 4 different ways to join.

You will also need to complete identity verification, which is the requirement for the message exchange.

4 Ways to Join Pairs

You can join Pairs using one of 4 ways below:

  1. LINE Account
  2. Facebook Account
  3. Email Address メールアドレス
  4. Phone Number 電話番号

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4 Ways to Join Pairs

You will receive the PIN code to fill in to complete the registration process, as in all other dating apps.

Identity Verification

As it is designed for serious relationships and marriage, Pairs has applied a strict identity verification.

Identity verification has two steps. And it is required to complete at least step 1 to start message exchange with people you have matched.

Please verify your identity

Identity Verification Step 1: Verification of Age

Step 1 requires that you to take a photo of your identification card in real time following the instructions on your phone.

Your identification card should be one of the following for foreigners:

  1. Driver’s license
  2. Passport

You will receive a notice of approval within 30 minutes upon verification. Once approved, you can read and send messages without limit (If you are male, you should also pay for your membership).

Identity Verification Step 2: Verification of Identity

Step 2 requires that you to take a photo of both your identification card and your face in real time following the instructions on your phone.

You have to take different poses following the instructions, such as “raise a hand”, “open a mouth,” etc.

With this verification, Pairs tries to prevent scammers and catfishes from sneaking into Pairs.

The verification process takes 30-60 minutes. Once approved, the “identity verified” badge will be awarded and displayed on your profile. * You can also get a “vaccinated” badge” upon request.

How to Use Pairs to Meet Japanese: Profile

Starting this section, I will explain how to prepare your profile, search, exchange messages and meeting up.

First of all, how you should prepare your profile to make it more appealing?

Important! [Size of the Photo]
Recently, there has been a change in the specifications, and photos are no longer displayed with the original composition intact. Instead, only the central part is enlarged and displayed. As a result, faces are sometimes zoomed in too close, and the image quality becomes poor.
I inquired about the optimal size, but they didn’t know. So, I had no choice but to try various things, and as a result, I managed to maintain the original image quality by using a larger size of around 2,066 px x 2,556 px. However, the composition of the photo will still be focused on the central part.
Please try various options and see what works best.

1. Add Some Japanese to Your Profile

You don’t need to prepare your profile in Japanese. It’s totally O.K. to write your profile all in English.

Japanese who seek foreigners for relationships are willing to communicate in English.

But I would recommend that you to add some a Japanese greeting on the profile, to make you look more approachable.

Greeting in Japanese Example
  • はじめまして。 BabyJです。
    Hi! My name is BabyJ.
  • プロフィールを見てくださってありがとうございます。
    Thank you for visiting my profile.

2. Use “私の大切な価値観 (my important value)” to Show What You Seek

Pairs has the section called “私の大切な価値観 (my important value)”, right under the profile photo (see image below.)

Using this section, you can show what your preferences and values are in finding your partner.

私の大切な価値観 (my important value)

Select three topics, such as お酒 (alcohol), 身長 (height), 年齢 (age), 職業 (profession), 話せる言語 (language」etc. and write short sentences to show what you are seeking.

Short sentences can be either in Japanese or in English.

3. つぶやき (Tweet)

Pairs has “つぶやき (tweet)” section.

You can tweet short words (up to 40 letters), three times a day to catch a member’s attention.

Your tweet is shown under your profile photo (see image below.)

つぶやき (tweet)

<Example tweets>

  • はじめまして僕はアメリカ人です。
    Hi! I’m American. Nice to meet you.
  • メッセージは必ず返信します。
    I will reply to your messages.

How to Use Pairs to Meet Japanese: Search

The following are some tips for searching.

Where is the Search Function?

First of all, where is the search function? It’s a bit difficult to find it.

You can access the search area where you can set your preferences by following the steps below:

  1. Tap the「さがす (search) 」icon at the bottom.
  2. Then, tap the search result display mode icon in the center at the top.
  3. And then, tap the search preference setting icon at the bottom on the left.

Search by Location

You can search the people near you by setting 「「居住地 (place of residence) 」section」, and set the distance by scale below, 現在地からkm (km from where you are).

「居住地 (place of residence) 」section

If you would like to search by the prefectures, don’t set the above 「距離で検索 (search by distance)」section, but use 「居住地 (place of residence) 」section instead.

Select the prefectures on 「居住地 (place of residence) 」section. You can select more than one prefecture.

「居住地 (place of residence) 」section

Language

If you would like to meet someone who can speak English or some other foreign languages you speak, select that languages on 「居住地 (place of residence) 」section. You can select more than one language.

「居住地 (place of residence) 」section

Other Important Search Setting

It’s a waste of time to deal with the profiles of the people who don’t access to Pairs anymore or are not active now. They won’t notice even if you liked them.

To exclude such people from the beginning, you should set the search preferences as follows.

Important Search Settings
  • 自己紹介文 (Introduction sentence) :「あり (YES)」に設定
  • 最終ログイン (Latest log-in) :Select either below.
    「オンライン (online)」「24時間以内 (within 24 hours)」「3日以内 (within 3 days)」「1週間以内 (within a week)」

Join Foreigners’ Communities

Pairs has many communities for a variety of hobbies, interests, and values.

You can find many communities for foreigners seeking Japanese and Japanese seeking foreigners.

By joining such communities, you will increase your chances of meeting people who like foreigners.

コミュニティー(Communities)

【Some Foreigner Related Communities: Example】
There are 97 foreigner related communities as of February 25, 2023.

  • 外国人と仲良くしよう (Let’s be friends with foreigners ) 13,182 members
  • 外国人と日本人カップル (Foreigner-Japanese couples) 11,933
  • 外国人と仲良くなりたい (Want to be friends with foreigners) 5,616
  • 日本語喋れる外国人 (Foreigners who can speak Japanese) 4,872
  • 外国人と付き合いたい (Want to date foreigners) 3,167
  • 日本大好き外国人 (Foreigners who love Japan) 1,700
  • 日本人女性と結婚したい外国人 (Foreigners who want to marry Japanese) 1,346
  • 日本人男性好きの外国人女性 (Foreign women who like Japanese men) 1,543

Check 足あと (people who visited your profile)

Instead of using search functions, you can also find someone ideal from 足あと (people who visited your profile) section.

“Visited your profile” means your profile caught his/her attention, and he/she might be interested in you.

足あと
(People who visited your profile)

How to Use Pairs to Meet Japanese: Matching

Your search result will be shown (as in image below), not by profile by profile.

When you tap the photo of a person, you can see his/her latest login time, match% with you, and number of likes he/she received.

If you like that person, tap the red hand on the right, if not, grey arrow on the left.

How to Use Pairs to Meet Japanese: Message Exchange

You can send messages only after being matched.

Talk About Information on the Profile

You are matched with someone you are interested in.

You would like to start a conversation. But it should be appealing to get a response

Instead of just sending “Hi” “Hello!,” it’s better to ask about interests or hobbies written on his/her profile.

Doing so would also give the good impression that you are interested.

Message example
  • <About profile photos>
    Where were you in your first profile photo?
    最初のプロフィール写真はどこで撮ったの?
    You’ve been to Mt. Fuji?
    富士山に行ったのですか?(プロフが富士山で撮った写真だった)
  • <About profile information>
    Do you like wine? I do, too.
    ワインが好きなのですか?私もです。
    So, you are studying Japanese?
    日本語を勉強しているのですか?
    You are a snowboarder? That’s cool!
    スノーボードをやってるんですか?かっこいい!
    You like ice cream? That’s so cute. Which flavor do you like best?
    アイスクリームが好きだなんて可愛い。どのフレーバーが好き?

Frequency of Message Exchange

How often you should exchange messages with the person you matched?

Although it depends on the person and case, you text each other every day in the beginning? With several exchanges, you can come to know whether both of you feel chemistry or not.

Most of the time, we don’t really feel that spark, and the exchange gradually fads out, except for a very few.

I asked several foreigners how exchanges on dating apps went, they basically said the same thing as below.

I think only in 10% of matches, I could have a real conversation. Others tend to stay superficial and go nowhere.

Move to LINE

Once you get to know each other, and you feel that you would like to know him/her a little more, it’s time to move to LINE.

Some guys suggest LINE exchange right after being matched. But I would recommend that you will wait until you get to know each other well.

Japanese, (and probably some non-Japanese) exchange LINE only with friends or someone close. We don’t exchange LINE with someone unknown who we just have matched.

If you suggest LINE exchange too early, your suggestion is most likely to be turned down. But it doesn’t mean that he or she has rejected you. It’s just too early.

You will have to wait until both parties feel comfortable before moving to LINE.

How to Use Pairs to Meet Japanese: Meeting up

Here are some points you will need to know for meeting up with your match.

Meeting up Talk

You are exchanging messages with him/her every day, but there is no talk of meeting up. That sometimes happens.

Neither of you say, “Let’s meet.” Or while saying “I would like to meet you,” he never scheduled an exact date and time.

Meeting up will never come true, if either of you, or both of you are not really interested. Such communication will fade sooner or later.

Therefore, you can eventually meet up only with a handful of people. Sometimes none.

So, the road to meeting up has a long way to go.

Dating Culture is Different in Japan

If you are a Westerner, you should start by dating casually, and then you can decide whether or not to continue and enter into the relationship as exclusive couple later on.

But Japanese dating culture is different.

If you like each other and start dating, you are in a relationships and you are boyfriend/girlfriend already.

So, please know that, if your Japanese partner doesn’t know anything about the Western dating culture, he or she is most likely to consider that you two are in a relationship even if you think that you are not.

You may need to make sure of this in order to avoid any misunderstanding prematurely.

Pairs Membership

A woman can use Pairs for free. But you will need to complete the identity verification Step 1 to be able to read and send messages.

What a man can do is very limited unless you pay to become a member.

Female: Difference Between the Verified and the Unverified

A woman can use Pairs for free.

But you can send only 1 message to the person that you have matched unless you complete the identity verification Step 1.

So, I would recommend that you complete Step 1 at least.

UnverifiedVerified
How many messages can you send?1unlimited
Can you see 足あと (people visited your profile)?up to 5 peopleunlimited
Can you see how many Likes a person gets?
*Indicator of his/her popularity
✖️

Male: Difference Between Free Member and Paid Member

What a man can do is very limited, unless you pay to become a member. You can send only 1 message to the person that you have matched.

Therefore, it’s essential for a man to pay to become a member in order to use Pairs and complete the Identity Verification Step 1.

FreePaid
How many messages can you send?1unlimited
Can you see 足あと (people visited your profile)?up to 5 peopleunlimited
Can you see how many Likes a person gets?
*Indicator of his/her popularity
✖️

Membership Fee for Men

You can select a plan from 1, 3, 6, and 12 months. The monthly fee is cheaper for a longer duration.

MonthTotal AmountAmount per Month
1 Month3,700 Yen3,700 Yen
3 Months9,900 Yen(3,300 Yen/Month)
6 Months13,800 Yen(2,300 Yen/Month)
12 Months19,800 Yen(1,650 Yen/Month)

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Pairs

Meeting Japanese with Pairs

If you are seeking Japanese men and women for a serious relationship, Pairs is one of the best dating apps to meet a potential partner.

You can meet many people of all ages and in all locations no matter where you live.

And with Pairs, you have more chances to meet genuine Japanese who are not influenced much by Western cultures and values.

Check to see the people you can meet by join and search now.

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Pairs

Best Dating Apps to Meet Japanese

(Written by a Japanese) Best Dating Apps in Japan for Foreigners (2023)Three best dating apps in Japan for foreigners to meet Japanese for serious relationships leading to marriage, not for hookups and just for fun....

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When you join Match.com on your phone, tap 「写真をみる→ (Search the profile photos) 」instead of 「いますぐ登録 (Join now!) 」. Red “Join Now” button is not working.


Pairs
The most popular dating app in Japan with 20 million users all around Japan. Designed for serious relationships and marriage. You can find potential partners in all areas and all different age groups. The interface is in Japanese only.
Match.com
Japan version of the world famous dating app originated in the U.S. More chances to meet Japanese who are mature, intelligent, and who can speak English and are globally minded. The interface is in English.
JapanCupid
Specialized for dating between Japanese and foreigners. Designed for serious relationships. More chances to meet Japanese who are willing to live abroad. The interface is both in English and Japanese with translation function.